Well I have eventually calmed down from my evening bursts of
mania. Instead it has been replaced by just straightforward depression the last
couple of days. I don’t know why my moods change so rapidly or what mood I am
going to wake up to on any given day. It is so confusing and disorientating.
One thing I can almost guarantee is that when I first wake up,
I will be pretty zoned out. I have been like this ever since I first started taking
olanzapine. This is an anti-psychotic drug used to treat both psychosis and
mania. I first went on it two and a half years ago when I had my first major manic
episode (technically a mixed episode as it was dysphoric). I was really
excitable, agitated, talking lots, teary, paranoid and hearing voices. The drug
instantly calmed me down.
Don’t get me wrong, it wasn’t a miracle drug. I was still
pretty agitated and suddenly had developed a great interest in drawing. I was also
obsessing over a friend, following them online and reading everything I could about
their interests. All pretty wired up behaviour. However, I was no longer pacing
up and down as much and the best effect of all was on my sleep. I wasn't sleeping until 4am and olanzapine fixed that right away. When I take olanzapine I can guarantee that I will fall asleep 3 hours later and will not wake until the morning.
One downfall of olanzapine is the rapid weight gain. All I
craved were carbohydrates and sugar. I never felt full and was always looking
for more food. Nothing satisfied my cravings. I put on ten pounds in a couple
of months. The biggest problem though is the feeling that it gives you of being
really spaced out. You feel a bit disconnected from reality. Sometimes you don’t
really feel ‘all there’ and like you have nothing to say. Basically you feel
like a bit like a walking zombie.
These kinds of side effects make a lot of people not want to
take olanzapine. I completely understand why people would want to not take it
and have great sympathy for anyone on olanzapine. The side effects are really shitty. However I still take olanzapine
because I think (and I hope) that for me anyway, it takes the edge off the
manic episodes when they do happen.
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